Friday, May 27, 2016

:: see y'all soon ::

moving weekend, and our last weekend in chicago is finally here

well, it's my last weekend, but my husband has been living in Atlanta for a couple of weeks already.
I just didn't want to share that on the internet that I've been alone for a month..... 
you know, because tons of creepy men probably read my blog daily, and I just wanted to make sure to be as safe as possible  :) 

OH I jest, but really, it was just wrong to project "HEY! I'M ALONE!" on the internet.
I mean, I'm a bad ass, but I may or may not have been locking my bedroom door at night and like sprinting into the bathroom in the middle of the night and sprinting back to lock the door.  Like a true adult living on her own.  
Bad. Ass. 

so Kipper gets back in town today and I am very excited to see him.
and I think he's also very excited to see me..... because he's been bored out of his mind.  A couple days hours with me and I'm sure that feeling with quickly begin to fade :) 
I am also excited to just be done packing.

Packing a three story condo all on your own is no small feat.... and there's a lot of things I didn't consider like How do I get this heavy ass box out of the kitchen now that it's packed? Oh wait, there are 200 heavy ass boxes and I can't lift any of them? 
Where do I put them so that I can actually walk through the place? 
But not to worry, like I said, I'm a bad ass.  I got it done. 

So, I hope you all have a great Memorial Day weekend! Hopefully it's filled with fun and food and sunshine!  We have lots of rain coming our way, hopefully not torrential downpours during the actual filling of the moving truck like we had the other night, but nothing I can do about it.

oh wait! yes there is! 

I'll be back next week when things are settled down in Atlanta! 
see you guys y'all soon! 
the 'you guys' I've picked up over the years needs to leave my vocabulary ASAP! 


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Thursday, May 26, 2016

:: coffee talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves....... 
   
:: bachelorette :: 
after fast forwarding through the first 30 minutes with a sit down with the old "no-one-cares-your-7-minutes-are-over-especially-you-desiree"
side note: desiree needs to add 2 inches to her clothing overtime I see a photo of her, her dresses are a mere centimeters below her undies and its just not right. like seriously her clothes are that short. 

and then fast forwarding through all of the no-one-cares-about-your-BS-convo-with-chris-harrison-either..... we arrive at meeting the men and their limo exits. 

my favorite out of the video montages before they get out of the limo is Evan, an erectile dysfuntion specialist.  oh, and also, a former PASTOR turned erectile dysfunction specialist 
he notes that it's a "hard" business. oh evan.  

one of my bach brackets I had to pick the whole season start to finish before even seeing the first episode.  I knew those shady producers would keep this freak on, so I definitely put him through to round 2, and whattaya know - he gets a rose! 
they wasted too much time on the BS stuff in the beginning and we didn't get to see as much time with the drunken bafoons - thats the best part of night one!  but there was plenty of douchey behavior to go around. 

jordan, aaron rogers brother, is clearly the front runner and JoJo is ALL about him. 
i have him making it to top 3 in my bracket, but it just seems too easy, and I refuse to read any spoilers or anything, so my guess for the others are Derek, Chase, Robby, Luke. One other I can't remember? 
I would think that Jordan's super hot, but the hair is just too much for me.  I feel like he would take up all the bathroom space needing to fix his hair in the mirror.

like..... thats is A LOT of look.  I need more manly and far less maintenance than that.  

jake. freaking. pavelka.  go. freaking. away.
at least he isn't actually here for love.... just love for her
(YOU ARE SO ANNOYING PRODUCERS THIS IS SO STUPID) 
no one talks like that - no one.  its such a scary voice.
remember the sit down after him and vienna broke up? yikes

when the rejects are interviewed outside, like the guy who is asian and scottish and says don't worry my nether regions are scottish (how did you not get a rose??), the sun is already up.
I know this happens every season first night but it seriously blows my mind.
how are all of these people still standing? and none of them (except the drunks) have crazy eyes? 
even if I had zero drinks, I would be looking like a hot. ass. mess. come 5 AM that day.
but who am I kidding no way would I have gone that whole ridiculous night until 5 am with no drinks.... not even close..... 

anyways..... strike 1 for JoJo.  Close family friends with Jake Pavelka? I'm going to pretend the last 5 minutes never happened.  

Also, clearly the guys are all going nuts and talking about how she is the hottest bachelorette ever.  which, I must agree, I think that she probably is.  however one think that seems to make her differ from the rest and why the guys will really go nuts for her : boobs. a mans best friend.
I feel like every bachelorette has been flat chested? kaitlin, desiree, allie, ashley.... 
its like high school all over again, flat girl runner up reject..... just kidding..... but seriously it's weird that they've always been flat runner ups and she's the first with some boobs? 
editors note : I KNOW, I KNOW.  I'm chest obsessed.  sorry I'm not sorry. 

:: southern charm :: 
craig is CORRECT about kathryn calhoun dennis
and whitney's shocked expressions speaks volumes if ya ask me! 

cameron and whitney are FURIOUS about the LIES.
the lies that are clearly displayed on video footage that they just aired for us the week prior?
confirming everything that kathryn said? 
whitney just drives me nuts
and now cameron is really starting to drive me nuts (don't do this to me cameron! first lisa rinna goes off the deep end, now your slowly inching your way there by being BFF with whitney and all up his and his moms rear ends!) 
what was on whitneys mouth later in the episode on the porch patio during the "apology" it was like herpes suddenly appeared ?

:: RH Dallas :: 
these girls just have no idea what they are doing on this show.
it's super slow, then it's pure mayhem, but I'm really getting into it. 
Heidi, the "wealthy socialite charity woman" comes rolling in hot with gold chain with giant $ sign and hands out skank tee shirts to the ladies.
Heidi then explains that the other women (Cary) "got their rich husbands because they were on their knees under their husbands desk."
I mean, I'm glad the show is finally getting stepped up a notch, but my goodness
YOU PEOPLE ARE ALL TRASH AND ZERO SOCIALITE.
I mean I know anyone joining this show is trash, and no normal person with any class every would, but STILL. 
and I like Cary, so LOCK IT UP
......
and then right after I type that "I like Cary", her and her husband are talking dirty to each other in the operating room at work. 
no, but really, stop. 

but I do like her... I just don't understand the husband situation but hey girl you do you and you do those crazy yoga poses and you just get it girl. 

LeeAnne seriously acts like she has come from the ashes to become like ........ Oprah.
but truly. she thinks her story is like oprah.
she is SO self involved its SCARY.
she is the craziest housewife in housewives history hands down.
I seriously mean it.  She is NUTSSSS. 
take that in for a minute....... . 

OMG tiffanys faux-hawk

LeeAnn just starts getting all riled up before the party for no reason 
(oh, no, wait. reason: she's insane) 
and talking smack about Cary
I really like her boyfriend - he's always seemed too sane, handsome, normal.
boyfriend responds : "I think she's great"
hahaha.
but seriously! be careful boyfriend! I know you're a cop and everything but I don't think you realize what your lady pal is capable of! I fear for you! 


cut to cary holding hot fuchsia blush up to her face imitating LeeAnne
YES YES YES !
cut back to Leanne with fuchsia blush in streaks on her cheeks
YES YES YES !
 its just a tiny 10 second moment like this that makes the whole hour worth it.
cut to this ridiculous party with fuchsia streaks of makeup standing next to Heidi's freaking make-up concoction. 
I seriously can't believe how into this show I am.

and then Heidi says Cary is going to deep throat a corn dog?
SERIOUSLY WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??!! 
especially this woman!!!!
and she's supposed to be the wealthiest -chi chi chi -est we've seen on the show yet?
oh my gosh
this is like real time blog post because Im not even going through to edit this part....
then right after I type the corn dog thing heidi says to come sit __________ 
I CANT EVEN TYPE IT.

I literally cannot with this Heidi woman! 

:: WWHL ::
you can tell certain parts of this posts I am actually writing in real time while I watch a show for once because I'm going to say something I've been meaning to say for a long time but A. I'm a moron and  always forget to, because I write last minute after watching everything previously or 
B. was too afraid to say because its not nice about my-boyfriend-andy-cohen
its more B. 

it drives me *nuts* when my boyfriend andy cohen says "haha. that's funny." and then stares at his notecard so disinterested and unamused or bored. 
its SO obvious you do not think it's funny and are just like ehhh whatever so STOP saying it
especially the way he does the Ha-Ha (theres no way anyone knows what Im talking about except those who watch WWHL regularly)


he does the Ha-Ha like some old TV or cartoon character that I can't think of?!?! 
sorry my-boyfriend-andy-cohen, but it's true. 

:: RHONY :: 
SOOOOO  I start this weeks episode and its like "previously on" and I suddenly see Ramona going NUTS at John and Dorinda's party and I realize , wait a minute, did I never finish last weeks episode?
Thank Lawd I still had it saved because I missed the ENTIRE last 20 minutes where it goes down at John's Dry Cleaners!
why is there a party at the dry cleaners? what else did I miss? 

We are then introdcued to a guy LuAnne used to sleep with - REY - this guy is SO weird and creepy and I'm very confused as to how he sleeps with women......
I don't know how a countess's standards can be THAT LOW.... and I am fearful for the amount of diseases she must have based on the sexual escapades this show has displayed.

{but seriously, this Rey character takes the cake.  Oh my.} 
I don't even know what is going on and then Ramona IS COMING IN HOT and it all goes to $hey*te.  

Ramona is INSANE.  But yes John is awful. 
Seriously ramona looked like a chihuahua outside the dry cleaners chomping at the bit after she got kicked out and her and John kept at it. 
I'm with Jules....
I have never seen the elderly behave like this.  ever. 

so I have nada from this week since I'm a moron and missed the whole big show last week!  



EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn't do that day and likely won't do the next day either.  or the day after that.






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Wednesday, May 25, 2016

:: wish list wednesday ::

I promise to have Coffee Talk , or some version of mayhem slightly resembling it, for you tomorrow.
The most shocking thing about this packing situation is that I haven't had as much time to watch TV shows while I pack because most of my fav's I need to be seeing the screen not just listening.
But don't worry - I've been burning the midnight oil once I climb in bed to see Bachelorette (I loved it - this season is gonna be a good one!), Dallas (wtf I just can't), DWTS (I don't care if you watch it or not ITS AMAZING) and more. 
  
so...... some retail therapy below to get you through hump day

It's half yearly sale time at Nordstrom ! 
If you want to stock up on some pricier designer pieces, now is the time.
but for some more budget friendly pieces, see below! 
{whisper cotton v-neck tee} under $20 and in every color in the rainbow 

{ angled hem dress } under $70 ! 





{striped top} on sale! 


and I know I post a lot of jumpsuits, 
but this one is hands down the best (for the week at least) 


perfect LWD for summertime 
{ white dress } 

and what's a wishlist post without a striped dress for the week 
{ striped dress } 


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Monday, May 23, 2016

:: bachelorette is back! ::

as if you didn't know, The Bachelorette starts tonight! 
I'm so excited for JoJo.  
and her Mom! 
although it is always better when its a guy and 25 crazy girls, but who cares, Mondays are great again !! 
this year I am doing something new and am doing a Bachelorette Bracket.
somehow I've gone from never doing this to doing TWO
so I just spent an hour going through all their profiles on ABC
#ImNotEvenMad

One of them I had to pick everyone today, before seeing the episode.
Luckily the other one I can wait until tonights first episode, get a feel for the douchery and cockiness, and then pick from there.
wish me luck :) 

ALSO, I really wish they'd bring back a new season of Burning Love.
but I guess season II of the Lifetime one UnREAL will do...... 

AND ALSO AGAIN, before the Bachelorette is the first part of the DWTS finale, so to all my mom friends out there GET EXCITED I CANNOT WAIT.
I was so sad when the Boys II Men boy Wanya got sent home last week.
also because his partner Lindsay's legs are INSANE and I could watch her dance all night.

the billboard awards were ALL over the place last night.
Brit Brit really did a great job getting her bod back... 

but I just don't understand how someone that was SUCH an amazing dancer can't dance for sheyite now.
But her performance was 10x better than Madonna's so touched Brit. 
seriously why was Madonna chosen for the Prince tribute and who let her perform it because it was AWFUL. 

I was at Home Depot bright and early this morning - 8 AM - expecting to be the only one there and the place was PACKED.
I was the only girl in there, and the only one snap chatting this cute puppy I met in the aisles (SO CUTE), but I was blown away. It must be like free coffee and donuts for contractors and construction workers or something on Monday mornings..... 

I kept waiting for a flash mob or something exciting to happen, but no.... nothing. 

I hope no one that reads this saw me out this weekend because I may or may not have been making an ass of myself on the dance floor on Saturday night. 
I just really needed to leave my mark on Chicago before I go. 
aka who cares I'll never see you people again so I'm going out with a bang

theres seriously so much on TV tonight I am GIDDY with excitement.
DWTS.....Bachelorette......Southern Charm......RHoDallas
I'll be going to sleep at like 2 AM :) 
I feel like I sound sad, but hey, it could be worse. 
who doesn't need illegal substances to feel high!??!
this guy!!! 

.... okay maybe I shouldn't have taken a break from my packing to write this..... I need to hold back and push the delete key sometimes........ 

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