Thursday, January 17, 2013

Coffee Talk

discuss amongst ya-selves..... 
  
the bachelor began with an obligatory
"if you love me and want to go on this journey with me, 
you'll jump off a 9,000 foot drop with me"
seriously producers? why, every damn season, do you insist on doing this? no one wants to do that with a stranger. 
or anyone. 
I wish just once one of them would grow a pair and say "hell no." 
then there was about 20 more minutes of how she is just like everyone else and can do anything people with two arms can do!!!! seriously ABC (because I'm still hoping this is editing, not the girl constantly talking about it), KNOCK IT OFF. its an arm!
next up, another lame date! 
this one had modeling and photo shoots!
{why do I love and watch this crap?}
what the HELL was going on with the girl's hair who left?
I literally could not believe my eyes. 
and apparently the daughter on Homeland has a sister
because angry Kristin Stewart chick has no human emotion and refuses to brush her damn hair too.
and yes, Des seems nice and normal. 
but we don't care about nice and normal. 

how amazing was american idol last night?
I haven't watched idol in years, and after seeing nicki and mariah interact in the first 5 minutes I just couldn't change the channel.
Nicki Minaj is a giant pain in the ass.
I think I may be a viewer this season. 
Kim really needs a damn stylist.
or for ANYONE to tell her to put the girls away.
I wish I could have found a better photo!
old lady boobs shoved up do not look good. 
ever. 
I loved the random guy at dinner commenting after the huge explosion,
"Who's ready for dessert?"
I want to go out with him. 

Brandi makes me so frustrated.  
If you would just stop dropping f bombs and screaming at every single person in the room, everyone would probably leave you alone. 
It's too bad because she did look really pretty before she starting screaming. 
I don't know why they keep bringing this Marisa chick into the equation either
lock it up, Andy. 
How has Taylor not realized to lay off the sauce? Can you not wait at least 10 minutes into dinner to start crying and getting hammered?
Wait, like, an hour or something.  Honestly.   
 And since when do her and Brandi like eachother anyway? 
{ps. i had to go through and correct my spelling of Brandi.  I should have realized immediately that of course she is Brandi with and I).  Taylor also burst into her own rendition of Beyonce's "All the Single Ladies" but in drunken-botoxed-speech form.  


women supporting women or some crap like that.
then everyone just started screaming at eachother about everything.
yay.

Stassi continues to be a pain in the ass.
so does her name.
and I actually thought one of the gay straight guys looked cute at one point
and I'm pretty sure I hadn't had any booze
jax in his old modeling photo they showed
not too bad.
 now you're just old and a bartender though. 

I cant wait to see jennifer lawrence host SNL this weekend
'
kandi from RH of Atlanta is engaged
daammmmmnnnnn.

LeAnn wasn't pleased with no one giving a damn about her ugly cry interview with E!

remember the face? ha. me too. 
so now she has gone to Entertainment Tonight
and offered up the most obvious statement ever
"I something worry Eddie will cheat on me."
um. ....
just stop talking.

it still cracks me up to listen to Jessica Simpson talk about pregnancy
I'm certainly not a square
but there is just something about a ministers daughter,
pregnant for the 2nd time, with her boyfriends baby,
who had just gotten divorced when they got together,
saying she'll try to keep her legs together this time,
because he just keeps knocking her up
before they can get married.
that realllllllllly cracks me up. I'm sure nick and vanessa laugh so uncontrollably its not even funny.
oh, and the TV show she's going to have when she "keeps her legs closed" after the second baby?
I would rather watch Newlyweds re-runs every day all day.
(not an insult - god I loved that show.  that's when life was good.)
although, I'll give it to you Jess.
Atleast you aren't still married to someone
 else when you get knocked up.
that's the new comparison to be morally OK apparently.


who else is annoying this week that I missed? 
xoxo

5 comments:

  1. You totally nailed every single review of those shows! Hilarious! I hate to admit that I also watch all of them. I was particularly disturbed when Stassi said "I am the devil..." in the last episode. Creepy!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah I still need to catch up on Vanderpump Rules, Stassi was already incredibly annoying in the first episode and I love it. haha

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you got it all! I'm over the 1 arm!! My sister has a friend with 1 arm and I've never heard he says things about doing things just like normal people- so annoying I hope it's edited.
    Vanderpump rules is so amazing- I love that I am not obsessed with restaurant drama!
    Brandi is so awful, so awful and can we just get over the fact that Eddie cheated on you hes been with Leann for like 4 years- move on. Kim is still a disaster, she needs a serious stylish.
    I hope Jessica is due soon and not in like July because shes HUGE again already and I love that Kathie Lee and Hoda called Kim K out for still being married!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have to tell you, I am obsessed with the girl from the Bachelor who is missing an arm. A. she is so sweet B. she is really insecure and it makes my bleeding heart want to just squeeze her and tell her she is beautiful. Ugh I just love her. Brandi frustrates me too! Stop being so aggressive!! She is so awesome but you are only going to make enemies with the f bombs and yelling. I don't know if I can watch Vanderpump Rules again. It makes me really angry for some reason. And HATE Leanne Rimes....NO ONE CARESSSSSSS! xo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ok I heard a dirty little rumor Adrienne is leaving the housewives and they are trying to get Marissa to replace her. Ponder that. I am sure Nick and Vanessa get such a laugh over Jessica- she needs to keep her mouth and legs shut!

    ReplyDelete