Wednesday, November 27, 2013

happy thanksgiving!

I'm heading home tonight for Thanksgiving. 

as long as being at the airport on the worst day of the year to fly doesn't kill me first. 


The long days ahead of constantly rushing for the next piece of food to put in my mouth
will be just what I need to get through the day of traveling. 
Sounds like heaven. 
I really miss supermarket sweet. 
please tell me you watched it too….. them running for the turkeys first and then grabbing a giant inflatable thing of diapers hoping it was worth the bonus $100!! 
it was followed by Shop Til You Drop, a game show that I definitely would have kicked ass on. 
  
But in all seriousness,

I have so much to be thankful for and am incredibly blessed.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family, friends, and loved ones! 



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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

coffee talk

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

I just didn't have time last week….. 
So without further ado, a random edition of Coffee Talk.

Last week's RHOBH kicked off with Brandi butt naked in a bath tub chatting with her friend. 

 oh of course! because that's what we all do…. lay naked in the tub and have conversations with our girlfriends.  all. the. time.  
what the hell??? 

brandi then teaches us about break-ups: 
break up with someone at dinner before the appetizer of calamari is even on the table.

what?? how did the rest of that meal go? 
actually, probably pretty well, because I'm guessing the "I'm tipsy you're driving me home" comment was code for "now we're just back to friends with benefits so let's go to my place". 

the lady closeness continues with Carlton,
who clearly bats for both teams. 

WE GET IT.  
you like hot women.  you are 99% sleeping with your blonde nanny. 
you clearly are more than friends with these people.

and last night's episode…I mean. I can't. 
brandi and carlton go lingerie shopping together, because that's what people who have met two times do. obviously. 

because why not - what better way to get to know someone!
first the naked bathtub scene and then that. 
are straight men setting up these scenes or something??
where are you andy cohen??!!} 

The highlight of the episode of course is that we learn more about where Carlton draws the line and is freakin' bloody offended dammit! 
or as she would phrase it,
Things that Bloody F***ing Disgust Carlton: 

1. do NOT ask her a question.  that's not how you get to know someone! you don't invite people to your home to have them speak to you! 
2. do NOT ask if she practices witchcraft, even if the answer is a resounding yes and she used to be "on the dark side but would never do that again because she has children" and therefor that is her having high freaking standards! 
3. do NOT sit at the head of a table. that is repulsive.  even if there is a table setting there and nowhere else for someone to sit because that's the only available chair, only bloody pigs sit at the head of a table.  so bloody arrogant! 

4. do NOT ask someone a question about religion.  even if there are 476 crosses in their home! what is wrong with you people! that is the most offensive thing in the world! However, saying C U Next Tuesday is completely acceptable! In fact, if it comes from the mouth of a hot girl, it is quite the complement. 
5. do NOT talk about the size of your husband's nether regions. that is repulsive! however, let me hypocritically clarify for all to know that "mine is hung like a donkey".  but don't you dare talk about the size of men's things you disgusting women!!! 

and that concludes this week's lesson in

things that bloody f***ing disgust carlton

and how the hell did I forget to mention Yolanda and Gigi.
{the name Gigi comes out of her mouth more than anything else}.  
Life lessons from Yolanda:
When you feel like you are about to pass out from the master cleanse diet,
chew an almond.
very, very slowly!!! 
all better. 
I need her to adopt me 2 months before our wedding and just kick my ass. 

kan-YAY's {say it like the kardashian's…. kanYAY} music video made quite the stir

I loathe these two so much.
but what made a bigger one? 


kanye = 0  jonah = 1 

jackhole of the week:
first, Asa's (from shah's of sunset) Diamond Water. 

I mean….. seriously. 

and second, Lily from Shah's of Sunset
for wanting us to feel sympathy for her not being able to gain weight.

She was at 97, and wants to be at 103!! 
Life is sooooo hard. 
   Imagine what she weighs without the breast implants and weave?
Good Lord. 


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Monday, November 25, 2013

it's a jungle in there…..

I had a conversation over dinner last night with a friend,
and she doesn't think I'll actually post this,
but I humiliate myself every week on here,
so why not take it to the next level? 

when I was home a few weeks ago,
my mom basically had to tell it to me straight.
she'd been "meaning to say something" about a certain subject.
and no, don't worry, not laying off the booze.
plenty of time for that later.  

about my 90 year old man nose hairs. 
I'm not even going to pretend like Will Truman did on Will + Grace 
that I am getting a tiny plant trimmer from The Sharper Image. 
Nose Hair Trimmers.  Straight up. 
 they even make it look pretty and mascara-like so you don't feel as horrifying as you should buying it. 

seriously…. this thing changed my life,
but more importantly,
I have now changed the lives of all of those that have to look at me.
you're welcome. 
 and I apologize for the last however-many years of torture. 
oh yeah… I'm putting it all out there. 
let my embarrassment help you somehow.
use this thing, and then when you have peeled yourself out of the fetal position and decided you can face society again even though they clearly have all been whispering about this behind your back for years, you'll thank me.  

there's about 9 million options out there,
based on my nose-bush, i recommend this and this and this 

ps. it is 1 am and I have been up all night watching #candidlynicole
I need help for oh so many reasons. 

pps. I tagged this post as ::beauty products:: 
someone slap me. 

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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Crack of the Week: Mexican Breakfast Casserole

I hosted a brunch at my place on Sunday for the girlfriends.
I needed to make something gluten free, which I thought would be difficult.  I was so wrong.
I had no idea hash browns and potatoes were gluten free….. am I the biggest moron in the world?? 
I have a breakfast casserole recipe I usually make, and this forced me to think outside the box, which I'm so glad I did. 
I found this Mexican Breakfast Casserole from Big Eats Tiny Kitchen and it was deeeeelicious. 
photo via big eats tiny kitchen 
{as sides, sticky buns and crack cake were a hit as always}. 

Of course, I topped it with cheese which the recipe didn't call for, because why would you not add a bunch of cheese to anything? 
Without the cheese, this is dairy free and paleo friendly. 
not saying I'll be going paleo, gluten, or dairy free - but nice to know there are easy and great recipes that fit all of those categories! 

You can make this the night before and just bake it the next day, which is the best way to do brunch. 

Make Ahead Mexican Breakfast Casserole (Gluten Free, Grain Free, Dairy Free, Paleo-Friendly)
Serves 8 to 10 
Ingredients
  • 12 eggs, whisked
  • 1/2 medium onion, diced
  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 sweet potato*, shredded with skin on
  • 1 jalapeno, deseeded and chopped
  • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1 teaspoon chili powder
  • 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups diced fresh tomatoes (or 1 can of diced tomatoes, drained)
  • 2 cups fresh spinach (or chard or any leafy green you choose)
*Note – if you have picky eaters in your house, you can substitute regular potatoes for the sweet potato. And if you are _really_ in a pinch, you can substitute frozen hash browns.
so.. obviously I said no to sweet potatoes and did frozen hash browns :) 
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 375 F. Spray a 9″X13″ baking dish with nonstick spray and set aside.
  2. Whisk eggs in a medium bowl and set aside.
  3. Shred sweet potato using a food processor with shredding attachment or by hand. Set aside.
  4. Cook ground beef in a large skillet over medium-high heat until no pink remains. Break into crumbly pieces using a spatula. Drain off extra grease. Add onion, shredded sweet potato, garlic, jalapeƱo, chili powder, salt, and paprika into skillet. Cook until onions are translucent (about 5 to 7 minutes).  Add tomatoes and spinach into skillet and cook for about 2 minutes or until spinach begins to wilt.
  5. Pour beef and sweet potato mixture into the prepared 9″X13″ pan and spread evenly along the bottom. Pour whisked eggs over the top, making sure to mix the eggs into the sweet potato mixture with a spoon or spatula. (The casserole can be made ahead 1 day in advance up to this point and covered and refrigerated. Remove from fridge 15 minutes before cooking.)
  6. Place in preheated oven and bake for 30 to 40 minutes or until middle of casserole is set (not jiggly) and edges are lightly browned. Remove from oven and allow to cool for 5 minutes. Feeds a crowd of 8 to 10 or it feeds 2 people over the course of a week!!!!

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